You didn’t mean to get pregnant. You didn’t want to get pregnant. You’re FREAKED OUT.
It’s understandable. But you can’t change the past, so it’s time to face the truth.
You are pregnant. You have a tiny baby growing inside you right now, a miniscule being with a heartbeat and—depending on how far along you are—facial features and vital organs. Whether you’re ready to be a mom or not, there is a little human growing inside you, and you now have some really big decisions to make.
It’s understandable. But you can’t change the past, so it’s time to face the truth.
You are pregnant. You have a tiny baby growing inside you right now, a miniscule being with a heartbeat and—depending on how far along you are—facial features and vital organs. Whether you’re ready to be a mom or not, there is a little human growing inside you, and you now have some really big decisions to make.
tips and advice
should i have an abortion?
Some people may try to convince you that abortion is the best option for someone who isn’t ready to be a mom—an hour or two in a medical clinic, and voila, your problem is gone, and you don’t even have to go through all the physical changes that come along with pregnancy.
But you do have to live with your choice for the rest of your life. Let me make this clear: it is a baby growing inside you. Your baby’s heart started beating about 18 days after he or she was conceived—when the baby was the size of a sesame seed. If you have been pregnant for four weeks, your baby’s eyes, nose, mouth, ears, intestines, and brain are starting to form. If you’ve been pregnant for five weeks, your blueberry-sized baby is starting to grow arms and legs. By the time you’ve been pregnant for six weeks, your baby is moving around and starting to develop neural pathways and lungs. Your baby is almost fully formed nine weeks after fertilization.
If you have an abortion, that baby dies. People try to make it sound better by calling it “termination of the pregnancy”. It is the termination of a pregnancy, but it is also the death of an innocent human being who will never get to watch a hilarious movie or enjoy an ice cream sundae or run around on the playground with their friends. It is an irrevocable decision that often leads to guilt and regret later on in life.
Your baby is a masterpiece. Your baby deserves a chance to experience life. If you're not ready to be a parent, consider placing your child for adoption.
But you do have to live with your choice for the rest of your life. Let me make this clear: it is a baby growing inside you. Your baby’s heart started beating about 18 days after he or she was conceived—when the baby was the size of a sesame seed. If you have been pregnant for four weeks, your baby’s eyes, nose, mouth, ears, intestines, and brain are starting to form. If you’ve been pregnant for five weeks, your blueberry-sized baby is starting to grow arms and legs. By the time you’ve been pregnant for six weeks, your baby is moving around and starting to develop neural pathways and lungs. Your baby is almost fully formed nine weeks after fertilization.
If you have an abortion, that baby dies. People try to make it sound better by calling it “termination of the pregnancy”. It is the termination of a pregnancy, but it is also the death of an innocent human being who will never get to watch a hilarious movie or enjoy an ice cream sundae or run around on the playground with their friends. It is an irrevocable decision that often leads to guilt and regret later on in life.
Your baby is a masterpiece. Your baby deserves a chance to experience life. If you're not ready to be a parent, consider placing your child for adoption.
an overview on adoption
If you're not ready to be a parent yet, that's okay! There are thousands of amazing families in the world who are waiting for a child to raise and love and call their very own. You could be the one to fulfill all their hopes and dreams.
Placing your child for adoption doesn’t mean you don’t love him or her. In fact, it means quite the opposite. It means that you love him/her enough to give him a life with parents who are ready to be parents and who really want a child. So don’t feel guilty about your decision, and don’t feel like you’re a bad mother. Just make sure that it’s what you want for your child.
Click here to be directed to an external site with answers to common questions about adoption.
Most adoption agencies today allow you to browse portfolios of prospective families, and choose the one that you feel is right for your child. The information included in a portfolio will usually include information about the family members’ hobbies, interests, jobs, beliefs, and what’s important to them, as well as whether there are any other children in the family, what kind of neighborhood they live in, and whether they have any pets. Often, once a birth mother has selected a family that she thinks may be a match for her child, she will have the opportunity to meet them in person before she makes her final decision.
Impregnant.org prospective family portfolios Adopttionnetwork.com prospective family portfolios
You will also get some say in how much contact you will have with the child. While there is still the option of a closed adoption (in which the birth mother has no contact whatsoever with the child and the adoptive parents after the adoption goes through), most people today opt for some kind of open adoption. In an open adoption, the biological and adoptive parents contact each other prior to the baby’s birth, and usually exchange information that will allow them to remain part of each other’s lives afterwards. Together, they decide how much contact the birth parent(s) and child will have after the adoption. In many cases, birth parents end up staying in the child’s life permanently—not actually raising the child, but visiting him or her and building a family-friend kind of relationship.
Click here to be directed to an external site with more information about the adoption process.
One very important thing to keep in mind: if you are going to place your baby for adoption, you need to be 100% committed to that decision. Once your baby is legally adopted, he or she is not yours anymore. Even if you remain part of the child's life, you are not the one who gets to raise or make decisions regarding him/her. Make sure this is something you think through carefully before going through with it.
Placing your child for adoption doesn’t mean you don’t love him or her. In fact, it means quite the opposite. It means that you love him/her enough to give him a life with parents who are ready to be parents and who really want a child. So don’t feel guilty about your decision, and don’t feel like you’re a bad mother. Just make sure that it’s what you want for your child.
Click here to be directed to an external site with answers to common questions about adoption.
Most adoption agencies today allow you to browse portfolios of prospective families, and choose the one that you feel is right for your child. The information included in a portfolio will usually include information about the family members’ hobbies, interests, jobs, beliefs, and what’s important to them, as well as whether there are any other children in the family, what kind of neighborhood they live in, and whether they have any pets. Often, once a birth mother has selected a family that she thinks may be a match for her child, she will have the opportunity to meet them in person before she makes her final decision.
Impregnant.org prospective family portfolios Adopttionnetwork.com prospective family portfolios
You will also get some say in how much contact you will have with the child. While there is still the option of a closed adoption (in which the birth mother has no contact whatsoever with the child and the adoptive parents after the adoption goes through), most people today opt for some kind of open adoption. In an open adoption, the biological and adoptive parents contact each other prior to the baby’s birth, and usually exchange information that will allow them to remain part of each other’s lives afterwards. Together, they decide how much contact the birth parent(s) and child will have after the adoption. In many cases, birth parents end up staying in the child’s life permanently—not actually raising the child, but visiting him or her and building a family-friend kind of relationship.
Click here to be directed to an external site with more information about the adoption process.
One very important thing to keep in mind: if you are going to place your baby for adoption, you need to be 100% committed to that decision. Once your baby is legally adopted, he or she is not yours anymore. Even if you remain part of the child's life, you are not the one who gets to raise or make decisions regarding him/her. Make sure this is something you think through carefully before going through with it.
if you want to raise your child
It will be a lot of hard work. Let me just start with that.
Babies need constant care and attention. Their sleeping patterns are irregular until you get them on a consistent schedule. They need to be fed, they need their diapers changed, they need to be cuddled, they need baths, they need their clothing changed, and they need to be loved. Your free time will evaporate as you spend your days caring for and cleaning up after your baby. Your money will evaporate as you buy all the necessities for your baby.
Here is a link to a baby needs calculator, which you can customize based on what your baby will need during his or her first year. It will give you an idea of how much you can expect to pay.
If you’re a student, you’ll need to figure out who is going to take care of your child while you’re in school. Childcare centers usually cost close to $1000 a month, and while in-home babysitter rates vary, you’ll have a hard time finding a full-time babysitter or nanny for less than that. You may have family members who would be willing to help you out, but that’s something you’ll have to work out with them. Even if you're not a student, you'll still most likely have to hold down some kind of job to support your child financially, and you will need someone to take care of your child while you're at work.
Of course, it's not all about the money. Parenting is a full-time job. When you become a parent, you are no longer just you. Every time you make a decision, you have to think about how it will affect your child. You will be responsible for this child's physical and emotional needs for years and years--the responsibility will lessen the older the child gets, but it will never fully go away. This human being will always be an enormous part of your life. And it will be rewarding, but also exhausting.
Another thing to consider is the involvement of the child's biological father. Obviously, level of involvement depends heavily on your individual situation, and the younger you are, the harder it is to work these things out. But in most cases, it's a good idea for the father to be involved in the child's life, even if you and he don't end up staying together. Keep in mind that the baby is his in addition to yours.
Raising a child is a lifelong commitment. Maybe you're thinking, "I'm just a teenager. I don't know anything about raising kids! I'm still a kid myself! But... I can't bear the thought of letting someone else raise my baby. I really want to be the one to do it." Don't be discouraged. If you feel strongly that you should be the one to raise your baby, then raise your baby. It will be difficult, but not impossible.
Click here to be directed to an external site with tips about finding a single parent support group.
Babies need constant care and attention. Their sleeping patterns are irregular until you get them on a consistent schedule. They need to be fed, they need their diapers changed, they need to be cuddled, they need baths, they need their clothing changed, and they need to be loved. Your free time will evaporate as you spend your days caring for and cleaning up after your baby. Your money will evaporate as you buy all the necessities for your baby.
Here is a link to a baby needs calculator, which you can customize based on what your baby will need during his or her first year. It will give you an idea of how much you can expect to pay.
If you’re a student, you’ll need to figure out who is going to take care of your child while you’re in school. Childcare centers usually cost close to $1000 a month, and while in-home babysitter rates vary, you’ll have a hard time finding a full-time babysitter or nanny for less than that. You may have family members who would be willing to help you out, but that’s something you’ll have to work out with them. Even if you're not a student, you'll still most likely have to hold down some kind of job to support your child financially, and you will need someone to take care of your child while you're at work.
Of course, it's not all about the money. Parenting is a full-time job. When you become a parent, you are no longer just you. Every time you make a decision, you have to think about how it will affect your child. You will be responsible for this child's physical and emotional needs for years and years--the responsibility will lessen the older the child gets, but it will never fully go away. This human being will always be an enormous part of your life. And it will be rewarding, but also exhausting.
Another thing to consider is the involvement of the child's biological father. Obviously, level of involvement depends heavily on your individual situation, and the younger you are, the harder it is to work these things out. But in most cases, it's a good idea for the father to be involved in the child's life, even if you and he don't end up staying together. Keep in mind that the baby is his in addition to yours.
Raising a child is a lifelong commitment. Maybe you're thinking, "I'm just a teenager. I don't know anything about raising kids! I'm still a kid myself! But... I can't bear the thought of letting someone else raise my baby. I really want to be the one to do it." Don't be discouraged. If you feel strongly that you should be the one to raise your baby, then raise your baby. It will be difficult, but not impossible.
Click here to be directed to an external site with tips about finding a single parent support group.
telling your parents
Terrifying, I know. But necessary. A pregnancy isn't something you can hide for very long, especially from people you live with. And for something that's going to impact the rest of your life-- it's really important to let your parents or guardians know about it as soon as possible.
Regardless of what your parents' beliefs are regarding teenage sex, they probably won't be pleased with the news. Some parents will react more strongly than others. Brace yourself for disappointment, possibly anger, maybe sadness that you won't be living the life they envisioned for you. But be aware that beneath all of that, they still love you.
If you’re under eighteen, you’re not the only one involved in the choice about whether to raise your baby or place him/her for adoption. Your parents or guardians will have to be on board with your decision as well. The hardest thing is if they want something different than what you want.
Sadly, as a minor, there’s not much you can do without parental consent. My best advice for you, if your parents don’t agree with your decision, is to present a convincing argument for your point. Don’t yell and scream and cry. Come up with rational, logical reasons why your point makes sense, and share them with your parents in a calm, confident voice. But don't be completely closed off to their suggestions--if you want them to listen to you, you need to be open to listening to them as well. They may have thought of things that haven't even occurred to you yet. I'm not saying that you need to change your mind, I'm just saying that both parties should respectfully listen to each other and work together to come up with the best solution.
If you and your parents discuss things rationally and still aren't able to come up with an acceptable solution, encourage them to check out the section below titled "For Parents of Pregnant Teens."
Regardless of what your parents' beliefs are regarding teenage sex, they probably won't be pleased with the news. Some parents will react more strongly than others. Brace yourself for disappointment, possibly anger, maybe sadness that you won't be living the life they envisioned for you. But be aware that beneath all of that, they still love you.
If you’re under eighteen, you’re not the only one involved in the choice about whether to raise your baby or place him/her for adoption. Your parents or guardians will have to be on board with your decision as well. The hardest thing is if they want something different than what you want.
Sadly, as a minor, there’s not much you can do without parental consent. My best advice for you, if your parents don’t agree with your decision, is to present a convincing argument for your point. Don’t yell and scream and cry. Come up with rational, logical reasons why your point makes sense, and share them with your parents in a calm, confident voice. But don't be completely closed off to their suggestions--if you want them to listen to you, you need to be open to listening to them as well. They may have thought of things that haven't even occurred to you yet. I'm not saying that you need to change your mind, I'm just saying that both parties should respectfully listen to each other and work together to come up with the best solution.
If you and your parents discuss things rationally and still aren't able to come up with an acceptable solution, encourage them to check out the section below titled "For Parents of Pregnant Teens."
judgment from others
Pregnant teenagers face judgment from society. That's just a fact. Although it's not as bad as it was thirty or forty or fifty years ago, there's still a stigma attached to being pregnant at such a young age. Yes, you'll get unpleasant looks and nosy questions. Yes, you'll have people making assumptions about you. Yes, there will be people who disapprove.
But keep your head held high. The past is the past. It's over. It can't be changed. You have more important things to deal with in your life than the petty opinions of people who don't know your story and aren't in your shoes. By choosing to carry your child, you are making a brave choice. Regardless of whether you are planning on raising your baby or placing him or her for adoption, you are doing it because you love your child. That is nothing to be ashamed of.
But keep your head held high. The past is the past. It's over. It can't be changed. You have more important things to deal with in your life than the petty opinions of people who don't know your story and aren't in your shoes. By choosing to carry your child, you are making a brave choice. Regardless of whether you are planning on raising your baby or placing him or her for adoption, you are doing it because you love your child. That is nothing to be ashamed of.
for parents of pregnant teens
No parent wants their unmarried teenage daughter to end up pregnant. I get it. Your emotions are probably going haywire right now. But there are a few important things to keep in mind during the turbulent months to come.
- She is already pregnant. That’s not something you can go back and change. Berating her about her decisions isn’t going to change the situation or make things easier. So accept that it happened and move on.
- You need to be there to support her. She needs to know that you love her and that you’re there for her no matter what. Even if you’re angry or disappointed about the situation she’s gotten herself into, make sure she knows that that does not change your love for her.
- You should give her guidance about whether to keep the baby or give it up for adoption, but ultimately let it be her choice. It’s a huge decision to have to make, and it will affect your entire family. As her parents, you should definitely have some input, and you should definitely talk over the options with her and make sure she fully understands the repercussions of each one. However, she should be the one to make the final call. If she really wants to raise her baby and you force her to give the baby away, she’ll always miss that baby and feel resentment toward you. If she feels strongly that her baby would be better off being raised by someone else, but you make her keep the baby, she might resent both you and the baby. Remember that she, more than anyone else, is the one who is going to have to live with the repercussions of her actions for the rest of her life.
for guys
Although the girl is the one who has to physically carry and give birth to the baby, she's not the only one responsible for the pregnancy. There was a guy involved too. And that guy is you.
You have to tell your parents. Tempting though it may be to keep it secret, this is not the kind of secret you want to carry around for the rest of your life. Hopefully, once they get over the initial shock and, let's face it, probably disappointment, they'll be willing to help and support you. Even if they're not, however, they still deserve to know.
And you need to have some open, honest conversations with the girl you got pregnant. She's probably terrified. Maybe mad. Freaking out. Worried. Uncertain about how her life is going to go from now on. Reeling from the realization that whatever she thought her future plans were, they're different now. In essence, feeling pretty similar to how you're feeling right now.
You need to be there for her. There are a lot of emotions playing into the situation right now--yours and hers and her family's and your family's and everyone else's. Remember that you are all in this together. Be supportive and caring toward the girl, regardless of whether you are still in a relationship with her. Recognize that the baby is not just her responsibility, but yours too.
As the father, you have the right to be part of your baby's life. Before the baby is born, talk with the mother about what your role and level of involvement will be. It is best for children to grow up with two active, involved parents who they spend time with and feel connected to.
Click here to be directed to an external site with advice for teenage dads.
You have to tell your parents. Tempting though it may be to keep it secret, this is not the kind of secret you want to carry around for the rest of your life. Hopefully, once they get over the initial shock and, let's face it, probably disappointment, they'll be willing to help and support you. Even if they're not, however, they still deserve to know.
And you need to have some open, honest conversations with the girl you got pregnant. She's probably terrified. Maybe mad. Freaking out. Worried. Uncertain about how her life is going to go from now on. Reeling from the realization that whatever she thought her future plans were, they're different now. In essence, feeling pretty similar to how you're feeling right now.
You need to be there for her. There are a lot of emotions playing into the situation right now--yours and hers and her family's and your family's and everyone else's. Remember that you are all in this together. Be supportive and caring toward the girl, regardless of whether you are still in a relationship with her. Recognize that the baby is not just her responsibility, but yours too.
As the father, you have the right to be part of your baby's life. Before the baby is born, talk with the mother about what your role and level of involvement will be. It is best for children to grow up with two active, involved parents who they spend time with and feel connected to.
Click here to be directed to an external site with advice for teenage dads.
"Every life deserves a voice, every child deserves a chance
You are more than just a choice, there's no such thing as unplanned"
You are more than just a choice, there's no such thing as unplanned"
- Matthew West
