Random tough topics that didn't quite fit in any of the other categories!
tips and advice
stress
Stress is something that literally everyone experiences at some point in time. You might be experiencing stress at home, stress on the social scene, stress with school assignments, stress from work, stress from a major decision you have to make, or stress from… well, pretty much anything else. The amount of stress you have varies from person to person, situation to situation, but recognize that if you’re feeling stressed out, that feeling is only shared by about… oh, seven billion other people in the world.
So what are the best ways to deal with stress? First, of all, if you’re involved in a ton of different things, you might want to consider cutting some of them out for the time being. Choose the one or two that are most important to you, and put the rest on the back burner.
Secondly, don’t stress yourself out by trying to be perfect or trying to accomplish unrealistic goals. Accept the fact that you have limits and can’t do everything.
Recognize the difference between big problems and little problems. Your parents are going through a divorce, or your best friend just told you that she sometimes feels like killing herself? Yeah, those are big problems that are totally worth feeling anxious or upset over. You forgot to study for a test or accidentally wore the wrong shoes today? Relax. It’s not the end of the world. In the grand scope of things, that one minor incident isn’t going to have a huge impact on your life.
Look at things from a positive angle, and spend some time just chilling—hanging out with friends, listening to music, reading a book, or participating in a favorite hobby. Don’t feel bad if you have ten assignments due tomorrow and you take an hour off from working to play cards with your brother—everyone needs a mental break sometimes. Find someone you can talk to about your stress, and find joy in the fact that that person’s got your back. It may be tempting to forgo sleep when you have a lot to do, but remember that if you’re sleep-deprived, you’ll be less functional and have a harder time accomplishing what you need to accomplish. Eat healthy meals, focus on the positive, and recognize that however hard this time in your life is, there’s something valuable that can be learned from it. And it won’t last forever. You’ll be okay. Relax.
So what are the best ways to deal with stress? First, of all, if you’re involved in a ton of different things, you might want to consider cutting some of them out for the time being. Choose the one or two that are most important to you, and put the rest on the back burner.
Secondly, don’t stress yourself out by trying to be perfect or trying to accomplish unrealistic goals. Accept the fact that you have limits and can’t do everything.
Recognize the difference between big problems and little problems. Your parents are going through a divorce, or your best friend just told you that she sometimes feels like killing herself? Yeah, those are big problems that are totally worth feeling anxious or upset over. You forgot to study for a test or accidentally wore the wrong shoes today? Relax. It’s not the end of the world. In the grand scope of things, that one minor incident isn’t going to have a huge impact on your life.
Look at things from a positive angle, and spend some time just chilling—hanging out with friends, listening to music, reading a book, or participating in a favorite hobby. Don’t feel bad if you have ten assignments due tomorrow and you take an hour off from working to play cards with your brother—everyone needs a mental break sometimes. Find someone you can talk to about your stress, and find joy in the fact that that person’s got your back. It may be tempting to forgo sleep when you have a lot to do, but remember that if you’re sleep-deprived, you’ll be less functional and have a harder time accomplishing what you need to accomplish. Eat healthy meals, focus on the positive, and recognize that however hard this time in your life is, there’s something valuable that can be learned from it. And it won’t last forever. You’ll be okay. Relax.
intrusive thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are thoughts you don’t want that keep coming into your head. Often, they’re vulgar, inappropriate, or disturbing. The more you try not to think about them, the more intense they become. Sometimes they’re all you can think about.
I’ve experienced this before, on several occasions, and it is the WORST. I’ve never actually experienced depression. But the days on end that I was having intrusive thoughts gave me a little taste of what depression may feel like for some people, because I just felt hopeless. I felt like the thoughts would torment me for the rest of my life, tainting every good moment.
I remember the day I finally started seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I was drawing—actually creating one of the old covers for the Allisen’s Notebooks series. I was so immersed in my work that it was only after I’d finished that I realized—I hadn’t had a single intrusive thought the entire time I’d been working on that drawing! That realization gave me hope that the unwanted thoughts would go away over time, plaguing me a little less each day, and that one day they’d be gone entirely. And that’s exactly what happened.
If you’re battling intrusive thoughts, know that you’re not alone. Everyone has them sometimes, and some people just get them more frequently or more intensely than others. No matter how bad the thoughts are, they don’t make you a bad person. The very fact that you don’t want them indicates that those thoughts are not you. Don’t entertain them, but don’t focus all your energy into trying to make them go away either, because it will just make things worse. Instead, go about your normal routine, get busy with activities that mandate your focus (like me with my drawing), and believe strongly that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you will get over this.
I’ve experienced this before, on several occasions, and it is the WORST. I’ve never actually experienced depression. But the days on end that I was having intrusive thoughts gave me a little taste of what depression may feel like for some people, because I just felt hopeless. I felt like the thoughts would torment me for the rest of my life, tainting every good moment.
I remember the day I finally started seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I was drawing—actually creating one of the old covers for the Allisen’s Notebooks series. I was so immersed in my work that it was only after I’d finished that I realized—I hadn’t had a single intrusive thought the entire time I’d been working on that drawing! That realization gave me hope that the unwanted thoughts would go away over time, plaguing me a little less each day, and that one day they’d be gone entirely. And that’s exactly what happened.
If you’re battling intrusive thoughts, know that you’re not alone. Everyone has them sometimes, and some people just get them more frequently or more intensely than others. No matter how bad the thoughts are, they don’t make you a bad person. The very fact that you don’t want them indicates that those thoughts are not you. Don’t entertain them, but don’t focus all your energy into trying to make them go away either, because it will just make things worse. Instead, go about your normal routine, get busy with activities that mandate your focus (like me with my drawing), and believe strongly that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you will get over this.
struggling with schoolwork
Reading, writing, and math don’t come easily to everyone. And since you spend six to seven hours a day in school doing various tasks that require these skills, it can be really stressful when you can’t get the hang of it.
If you have trouble in school—whether with these skills or just with understanding what your teachers are trying to teach--ask your teachers for extra help. They might not know that you’re struggling unless you tell them. Or, they might recognize that you’re not doing well in their class, but not know exactly why. Most teachers are more than willing to help students who are struggling with a skill or with understanding the content, but a lot of times you have to be the one who speaks up.
If you continually have difficulty with a certain skill or subject, you may want to talk to your parents about getting a tutor. Sometimes it’s easier to learn one-on-one than in a whole class full of kids, because one-on-one you can ask your specific questions and move along at your own pace.
Struggling in school doesn’t mean you’re dumb. It also doesn’t mean that you’ll never learn. The important thing is letting the right people—teachers and parents—know what you’re struggling with so they can make sure you get the right supports.
If you have trouble in school—whether with these skills or just with understanding what your teachers are trying to teach--ask your teachers for extra help. They might not know that you’re struggling unless you tell them. Or, they might recognize that you’re not doing well in their class, but not know exactly why. Most teachers are more than willing to help students who are struggling with a skill or with understanding the content, but a lot of times you have to be the one who speaks up.
If you continually have difficulty with a certain skill or subject, you may want to talk to your parents about getting a tutor. Sometimes it’s easier to learn one-on-one than in a whole class full of kids, because one-on-one you can ask your specific questions and move along at your own pace.
Struggling in school doesn’t mean you’re dumb. It also doesn’t mean that you’ll never learn. The important thing is letting the right people—teachers and parents—know what you’re struggling with so they can make sure you get the right supports.
grief
Grief is the process you go through when you lose a loved one. Grief can include sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and a host of other negative emotions associated with the loss. When you’re grieving, you may find that the person you lost is all you can think about. You may experience physical reactions such as sleep troubles, difficulty concentrating, an upset stomach, or loss of appetite. You may also start to question or rediscover your spiritual beliefs.
It is okay to grieve. It is okay to be sad, distraught, angry, and upset over the loss of someone who was important to you. It’s okay to cry, scream, and express the way you feel.
When you’re grieving, it’s helpful to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. Share your feelings with them. Find comfort in the fact that you’re not going through this alone.
It can also help to write how you’re feeling, or express it through art or music. Reliving memories you had with the person who you lost can also help, even if it also makes it more painful. Grieving is important and healthy. It’s not healthy to just pretend nothing changed and try to move on without accepting the loss.
Grief is different for every person. For some, it may take a little while for the meaning of the loss to set in. Some people may not cry or show any emotion for days, and then one day it hits them and they just break down. Some people might want to spend every waking minute looking at photos and reminiscing about the person who they lost, while others might not want to expose themselves to anything that reminds them of the person.
The sadness and pain you feel over losing someone do eventually go away. It happens gradually—one day you might realize you just spent an entire minute not thinking about the loss, and then a few days later you realize you went a whole hour without thinking about it, etc. If someone you love dies, you’ll always miss them, and you’ll always feel a touch of sadness that they’re not there to share special moments with you. But the feeling will be different than it was when the loss first happened. You will smile again someday. You will laugh again someday. And that’s okay. The person who you lost wouldn’t want you to be sad for the rest of your life. It isn’t disloyal to start being happy and enjoying life again.
It is okay to grieve. It is okay to be sad, distraught, angry, and upset over the loss of someone who was important to you. It’s okay to cry, scream, and express the way you feel.
When you’re grieving, it’s helpful to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. Share your feelings with them. Find comfort in the fact that you’re not going through this alone.
It can also help to write how you’re feeling, or express it through art or music. Reliving memories you had with the person who you lost can also help, even if it also makes it more painful. Grieving is important and healthy. It’s not healthy to just pretend nothing changed and try to move on without accepting the loss.
Grief is different for every person. For some, it may take a little while for the meaning of the loss to set in. Some people may not cry or show any emotion for days, and then one day it hits them and they just break down. Some people might want to spend every waking minute looking at photos and reminiscing about the person who they lost, while others might not want to expose themselves to anything that reminds them of the person.
The sadness and pain you feel over losing someone do eventually go away. It happens gradually—one day you might realize you just spent an entire minute not thinking about the loss, and then a few days later you realize you went a whole hour without thinking about it, etc. If someone you love dies, you’ll always miss them, and you’ll always feel a touch of sadness that they’re not there to share special moments with you. But the feeling will be different than it was when the loss first happened. You will smile again someday. You will laugh again someday. And that’s okay. The person who you lost wouldn’t want you to be sad for the rest of your life. It isn’t disloyal to start being happy and enjoying life again.
Dealing with Changes
Change can be hard to deal with. Any kind of change. And certain changes—moving to a new house/town/state, switching schools, giving up an activity you once loved, a family member moving out—can instill in you a sense of grief over what you’re losing. When you’ve gotten used to one thing, it can be really hard to adjust to something new.
But change isn’t always bad. Even a change you think is bad can have a positive side. Figure out what the positive side is, and focus on that. Remember that nothing would ever happen if things stayed the same all the time. Be open to the idea that this change may open up possibilities for you that never existed before. Just because something is different doesn’t make it worse.
Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote in 2011 called “Hold On To The Memories” (it hasn’t been produced yet):
“You can’t always have what you always had, you can’t expect things to stay the same
Some of those things are gone, some of those people have moved on, you can’t keep living in yesterday
So accept all the changes, become who you’re meant to be
Let go of your longing but hold onto the memories.”
But change isn’t always bad. Even a change you think is bad can have a positive side. Figure out what the positive side is, and focus on that. Remember that nothing would ever happen if things stayed the same all the time. Be open to the idea that this change may open up possibilities for you that never existed before. Just because something is different doesn’t make it worse.
Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote in 2011 called “Hold On To The Memories” (it hasn’t been produced yet):
“You can’t always have what you always had, you can’t expect things to stay the same
Some of those things are gone, some of those people have moved on, you can’t keep living in yesterday
So accept all the changes, become who you’re meant to be
Let go of your longing but hold onto the memories.”
Body Image
A lot of teens, and people in general, have certain things they don’t like about the way they look. Maybe you think you’re too fat or too skinny. Maybe you don’t feel like you have the right curves. Maybe you hate your acne, or your freckles, or your teeth are too crooked or you can never get your hair to look right. Maybe you’re self-conscious about the shape of your eyebrows or that mole on your cheek.
Here’s the good news: The person who is the most bothered and distracted by these little quirks in your appearance is YOU. You are your own worst critic. That little freckle you hate? Someone else might think it’s cute. The fact that your left hand is slightly bigger than your right? Chances are nobody else has noticed. Your hair that’s way too frizzy and curly? That girl in your science class with the pin-straight hair envies its poofiness and volume.
Another good thing is, you’re not defined by your physical appearance. Yeah, everyone has a certain look, and it’s human nature to find some people more attractive than others. But people’s opinions of attractiveness differ, and personality is far more important anyway. It is much more enjoyable to spend time with a likable person than a beautiful one. And likable people tend to be perceived as more attractive anyway, regardless of their looks, because people are drawn in by their personalities.
A cool person who advocates a lot for self-love and body positivity is Bree Lenehan. Click on her name to check out her Insta!
Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you struggle with accepting the way you look:
Here’s the good news: The person who is the most bothered and distracted by these little quirks in your appearance is YOU. You are your own worst critic. That little freckle you hate? Someone else might think it’s cute. The fact that your left hand is slightly bigger than your right? Chances are nobody else has noticed. Your hair that’s way too frizzy and curly? That girl in your science class with the pin-straight hair envies its poofiness and volume.
Another good thing is, you’re not defined by your physical appearance. Yeah, everyone has a certain look, and it’s human nature to find some people more attractive than others. But people’s opinions of attractiveness differ, and personality is far more important anyway. It is much more enjoyable to spend time with a likable person than a beautiful one. And likable people tend to be perceived as more attractive anyway, regardless of their looks, because people are drawn in by their personalities.
A cool person who advocates a lot for self-love and body positivity is Bree Lenehan. Click on her name to check out her Insta!
Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you struggle with accepting the way you look:
- You were made in the image of God. He created you to look exactly how He wants you to look, and he thinks you look great!
- People always want what they don’t have. The very aspects of your body that you don’t like might be someone else’s dream.
- You can change your look (but you don’t have to). If you’re unhappy with the size or shape of your body, find clothes that look good on your particular body type. If you don’t like your hair, try styling it differently. If you don’t like a certain blemish on your face, you can cover it up with makeup. But only do these things if they help YOU be more happy and confident. If the reason you’re doing these things is to win other people’s approval or make them like you more, you’ll get caught in a vicious cycle of never feeling good enough, and trying to make yourself look “better” will only lead to frustration and low self-esteem.
- Your personality is more important than how you look. People who want to be your friend or romantic partner just because they like the way you look probably won’t stick around too long. You’ll be able to form a much closer and longer-lasting bond with people who attract to you because of your personality.
- Nobody is perfect. Our flaws and imperfections are what make us each unique. Embrace them.
A General Tip
Whatever you’re going through, there’s someone who’s by your side through it all. And that someone is God. God created all the galaxies and all the mountains and all the microscopic little cells of every animal. And He created you.
God loves you. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it, He cares about you. He has a good plan for you. Part of figuring out what this good plan is, is getting to know Him and developing a relationship with Him. The most important part of this relationship is talking to Him. You can talk to God just like you would talk to anyone else, except talking to God is even better because you can talk to him at literally any time about absolutely anything. You can ask Him for help, thank Him for something, or just tell Him how you’re feeling. He loves hearing from you.
Another good way to develop your relationship with God is by reading the Bible. While the Bible as a whole is important, I’d recommend starting with the second half, which is called the New Testament. It’s easier to understand, and overall more relevant to our lives today.
If possible, I’d also recommend finding a Christian church with a youth group for teenagers. It’s a great way to learn more about God while also having fun with kids your age. The adult who runs the youth group would be an excellent person to come to with any questions you may have about God.
“But I’m not Christian,” you might say. “I’m Hindu.” Or “I’m Jewish.” Or, “I’m Muslim.” Or “I’m not religious at all.” The cool thing about Christianity, which is different from every other belief system in the world, is that it revolves around a God who can be approached by anyone, and offers eternal hope. Christianity teaches that you don’t have to come from any specific background, you don’t have to follow a bunch of complicated laws and rituals, and you don’t have to do anything to be loved by God. God knows that you are broken, and it is by His power alone that you can be made whole.
God loves you. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it, He cares about you. He has a good plan for you. Part of figuring out what this good plan is, is getting to know Him and developing a relationship with Him. The most important part of this relationship is talking to Him. You can talk to God just like you would talk to anyone else, except talking to God is even better because you can talk to him at literally any time about absolutely anything. You can ask Him for help, thank Him for something, or just tell Him how you’re feeling. He loves hearing from you.
Another good way to develop your relationship with God is by reading the Bible. While the Bible as a whole is important, I’d recommend starting with the second half, which is called the New Testament. It’s easier to understand, and overall more relevant to our lives today.
If possible, I’d also recommend finding a Christian church with a youth group for teenagers. It’s a great way to learn more about God while also having fun with kids your age. The adult who runs the youth group would be an excellent person to come to with any questions you may have about God.
“But I’m not Christian,” you might say. “I’m Hindu.” Or “I’m Jewish.” Or, “I’m Muslim.” Or “I’m not religious at all.” The cool thing about Christianity, which is different from every other belief system in the world, is that it revolves around a God who can be approached by anyone, and offers eternal hope. Christianity teaches that you don’t have to come from any specific background, you don’t have to follow a bunch of complicated laws and rituals, and you don’t have to do anything to be loved by God. God knows that you are broken, and it is by His power alone that you can be made whole.
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This song was written to encourage people who struggle with body image. Just about everybody finds things about their appearance that they don't like, and for some people, this struggle is worse than others. Listen to this song if you need a reminder that you are more than what you see in the mirror.
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This is another body image-focused song. The characters in the song are girls, but it is applicable to guys too! If you ever feel insecure about your appearance or whether you are liked, this is a great song to listen to.
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This is just an all-around encouraging song to stay positive even in the midst of negative situations. It's very upbeat and fun to listen to, and it has a great lyric video as well!
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“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you."
- Dr. Seuss
