Let me make this clear: Everyone has a reason for what they do. People don’t just randomly decide to start making harmful decisions. They start making those decisions as a response to others’ words or actions, or as an attempt to deal with stress, negative emotions, or mental health issues. Making harmful decisions does not mean that you’re a bad person; it just means that you need to come up with a more sustainable solution to your problems.
tips, advice, and information
smoking and vaping
Most modern teenagers have a negative view on cigarettes, but quite a lot have a positive view on vaping. I’ve gotta admit, even though I’ve never vaped, some of those fruity flavors do smell pretty good in small quantities.
I’m not here to lecture you on why you shouldn’t vape, but I do want to bring it to your attention that it’s not just water vapor and sweet fragrances they put in those juice bottles. There are a lot of different chemicals in vape juice, some of which are components of the flavors themselves. Vaping isn’t a healthier alternative to smoking. It’s just as harmful; some studies say it could turn out to be even more harmful. We already know that the chemicals in vape juice can lead to cancer, popcorn lung, or other breathing-related disorders. Since vaping is still fairly new, we don’t yet know what the really long-term effects could be.
Vape juice also contains nicotine, which is the addictive substance found in cigarettes. Nicotine affects your brain, making it harder for you to concentrate and learn. The sad thing is, a lot of people with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues choose to vape because it helps them feel better in the moment—without realizing that the nicotine may be having a permanent effect on their brain, making these very issues even worse.
Because of the addictive nature of nicotine, it can be very hard to stop smoking or vaping once you’ve started. But it’s not impossible. Get rid of all your smoking/vaping devices, and ask your friends who still smoke/vape to please not do it around you. Engage yourself in projects that will keep you busy. Be aware that you’re going to face withdrawal symptoms, but that they will go away.
If you are interested in learning more about vaping or how to quit, I encourage you to visit the TeenHealth website.
I’m not here to lecture you on why you shouldn’t vape, but I do want to bring it to your attention that it’s not just water vapor and sweet fragrances they put in those juice bottles. There are a lot of different chemicals in vape juice, some of which are components of the flavors themselves. Vaping isn’t a healthier alternative to smoking. It’s just as harmful; some studies say it could turn out to be even more harmful. We already know that the chemicals in vape juice can lead to cancer, popcorn lung, or other breathing-related disorders. Since vaping is still fairly new, we don’t yet know what the really long-term effects could be.
Vape juice also contains nicotine, which is the addictive substance found in cigarettes. Nicotine affects your brain, making it harder for you to concentrate and learn. The sad thing is, a lot of people with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues choose to vape because it helps them feel better in the moment—without realizing that the nicotine may be having a permanent effect on their brain, making these very issues even worse.
Because of the addictive nature of nicotine, it can be very hard to stop smoking or vaping once you’ve started. But it’s not impossible. Get rid of all your smoking/vaping devices, and ask your friends who still smoke/vape to please not do it around you. Engage yourself in projects that will keep you busy. Be aware that you’re going to face withdrawal symptoms, but that they will go away.
If you are interested in learning more about vaping or how to quit, I encourage you to visit the TeenHealth website.
alcohol
Most people grow up with some exposure to alcohol. Whether your parents drink it, you see it advertised on TV, you see it on that menu in the restaurant… it’s pretty commonplace. And popular culture makes it seem like something fun and desirable.
People who drink say that it can be enjoyable, but they also recognize the downsides. The more alcohol is in your body, the more your thinking, judgment, and reflexes are impaired. That’s why driving after drinking alcohol is so dangerous—because you can’t think as clearly or react as quickly as you would be able to otherwise. Alcohol also reduces your inhibitions, causing you do things you’d never do otherwise. It can be pretty embarrassing once you sober up and realize that you just screamed out the lyrics to last year’s stupid novelty song in front of everyone, or told your friend that you really hate her new haircut, or announced that you sometimes pee in the shower. And then there’s the hangover—after being drunk, most people experience a few hours of headache, nausea, and just feeling overall awful.
If you drink a lot, you’re at risk for health problems such as liver damage and brain changes. People who drink a lot often become irritable and get angry more easily. They have trouble maintaining relationships and keeping up with jobs or school work. They can be unreasonable and difficult to get along with.
If you drink too much alcohol at once, you can actually get alcohol poisoning, which can be fatal if not treated immediately. You can also black out (stay awake and continue to do stuff, but later on have no memory whatsoever of what you did).
As a teenager, you’re probably going to be faced with many opportunities to drink alcohol. If drinking alcohol is something you’ve decided you don’t want to do, don’t let your friends persuade you otherwise. They might tease you, they might call you a baby or sissy or party pooper, but stand your ground. Grab some non-alcoholic beverage to enjoy so you’re not the only one without a drink. Offer to be the designated driver (if you have your driver’s license, that is). And remember—when the videos start to roll out on social media the next day, you’ll be the only one not looking stupid.
People who drink say that it can be enjoyable, but they also recognize the downsides. The more alcohol is in your body, the more your thinking, judgment, and reflexes are impaired. That’s why driving after drinking alcohol is so dangerous—because you can’t think as clearly or react as quickly as you would be able to otherwise. Alcohol also reduces your inhibitions, causing you do things you’d never do otherwise. It can be pretty embarrassing once you sober up and realize that you just screamed out the lyrics to last year’s stupid novelty song in front of everyone, or told your friend that you really hate her new haircut, or announced that you sometimes pee in the shower. And then there’s the hangover—after being drunk, most people experience a few hours of headache, nausea, and just feeling overall awful.
If you drink a lot, you’re at risk for health problems such as liver damage and brain changes. People who drink a lot often become irritable and get angry more easily. They have trouble maintaining relationships and keeping up with jobs or school work. They can be unreasonable and difficult to get along with.
If you drink too much alcohol at once, you can actually get alcohol poisoning, which can be fatal if not treated immediately. You can also black out (stay awake and continue to do stuff, but later on have no memory whatsoever of what you did).
As a teenager, you’re probably going to be faced with many opportunities to drink alcohol. If drinking alcohol is something you’ve decided you don’t want to do, don’t let your friends persuade you otherwise. They might tease you, they might call you a baby or sissy or party pooper, but stand your ground. Grab some non-alcoholic beverage to enjoy so you’re not the only one without a drink. Offer to be the designated driver (if you have your driver’s license, that is). And remember—when the videos start to roll out on social media the next day, you’ll be the only one not looking stupid.
marijuana
There are different reasons why teenagers decide to use marijuana. Some are just curious. Some enjoy the sensation it gives them. Others want to be like their friends who do it. And others do it in attempt to deal with difficult emotions.
I do not believe that marijuana is all bad. It’s not the kind of drug that can cause death by overdose, and it can be an extremely beneficial medicine for certain health problems. However, the unnecessary use of marijuana can have short-term effects on your school performance, work, and relationships, as well as potentially long-term effects on the chemistry of your brain. (Not to mention, it can certainly have a huge effect on your wallet!)
Sometimes people who are dealing with difficult emotions (such as depression, anxiety, or chronic irritation/anger) use marijuana as a way of neutralizing or repressing these emotions. While it often achieves their intended purpose in the moment, it doesn’t actually solve the problem. It just covers it up while they’re on the drug. If someone who struggles with depression, anxiety, or anger constantly uses marijuana to cover up those feelings, and then one day can’t get any marijuana, their negative feelings will come back full-force and probably be even harder to deal with than before, because they’ve gotten so used to not having to deal with them.
It’s always better to deal with feelings such as depression, anxiety, anger, stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. by developing mental and emotional coping strategies that rely solely on your own brain, rather than finding a way to cover the feelings up.
I do not believe that marijuana is all bad. It’s not the kind of drug that can cause death by overdose, and it can be an extremely beneficial medicine for certain health problems. However, the unnecessary use of marijuana can have short-term effects on your school performance, work, and relationships, as well as potentially long-term effects on the chemistry of your brain. (Not to mention, it can certainly have a huge effect on your wallet!)
Sometimes people who are dealing with difficult emotions (such as depression, anxiety, or chronic irritation/anger) use marijuana as a way of neutralizing or repressing these emotions. While it often achieves their intended purpose in the moment, it doesn’t actually solve the problem. It just covers it up while they’re on the drug. If someone who struggles with depression, anxiety, or anger constantly uses marijuana to cover up those feelings, and then one day can’t get any marijuana, their negative feelings will come back full-force and probably be even harder to deal with than before, because they’ve gotten so used to not having to deal with them.
It’s always better to deal with feelings such as depression, anxiety, anger, stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. by developing mental and emotional coping strategies that rely solely on your own brain, rather than finding a way to cover the feelings up.
other drugs
There are many, many, many other kinds of drugs in the world, from prescription medications to hard street drugs. I’m not going to go through them individually. I just want to lay out a brief overview.
A drug is any substance that, when ingested, injected, inhaled, or otherwise put in contact with someone’s body, has a mental or physical effect on the body. Some drugs are very commonplace—say, caffeine or sugar. Some drugs are used to treat medical problems. But I think you know what kind of drugs I’m talking about here.
Most people start using doing drugs either because they want to know what it’s like or because there’s something broken in their life and they want to fix it or escape from it. They don’t realize that trying it one time can be the start of an addiction cycle that’s very, very hard to get out of.
If you’ve started using drugs, or if you’re considering it, please talk to a trusted adult and get help. No matter how harmless—or even helpful—they seems right now, drugs can severely mess up your life. They can change your brain chemistry, make you less likely to finish school or get a job, cause problems in relationships, drain your wallet, and make it so that all you think about is how you’re going to get more drugs. If you haven’t started, keep it that way. And if you have started, get help now.
A drug is any substance that, when ingested, injected, inhaled, or otherwise put in contact with someone’s body, has a mental or physical effect on the body. Some drugs are very commonplace—say, caffeine or sugar. Some drugs are used to treat medical problems. But I think you know what kind of drugs I’m talking about here.
Most people start using doing drugs either because they want to know what it’s like or because there’s something broken in their life and they want to fix it or escape from it. They don’t realize that trying it one time can be the start of an addiction cycle that’s very, very hard to get out of.
If you’ve started using drugs, or if you’re considering it, please talk to a trusted adult and get help. No matter how harmless—or even helpful—they seems right now, drugs can severely mess up your life. They can change your brain chemistry, make you less likely to finish school or get a job, cause problems in relationships, drain your wallet, and make it so that all you think about is how you’re going to get more drugs. If you haven’t started, keep it that way. And if you have started, get help now.
Self-Harm
Sometimes people cut, scratch, or inflict other intentional physical harm on themselves. Like using drugs, this is an attempt at a solution to a problem. And like using drugs, it doesn’t really solve the problem, just temporarily creates relief while causing more problems of its own.
Why do people self-harm? Most of the time, it’s as a way of seeking relief from strong negative emotions. The physical pain may feel like a welcome distraction from the emotional pain a person is dealing with. Some people cut as a way of relieving tension, feeling in control, expressing feelings of desperation or emptiness, or trying to feel something amidst the numbness of trauma.
Even people who frequently harm themselves recognize that it is not the best way to solve their problems. Most people who cut want to stop, sometimes even do stop for a while, but then go back to it when the emotional pain becomes too much to bear.
Self-harming doesn’t fix your problems. In fact, it just creates more problems. Sometimes people start worrying about other people seeing their scars. Sometimes what was intended to be just a small cut on the surface of the skin can accidentally go deeper, and cause an infection or require stitches.
There are MUCH better ways to deal with emotional pain than by inflicting self-injury. The first step is getting to the root of the problem—why you cut. Start by telling a trusted adult, like a parent or counselor. Yes, it’s scary, but it really does help to have someone older and wiser working with you. Work with that adult on identifying what the main problem is, and brainstorm ideas of better coping methods.
On this external page, “Teens Talk About Cutting” teenagers share their emotions surrounding cutting and some ways they’ve come up with to help themselves stop. If you’re interested in learning more about the topic in general, visit the TeenHealth page on cutting.
Why do people self-harm? Most of the time, it’s as a way of seeking relief from strong negative emotions. The physical pain may feel like a welcome distraction from the emotional pain a person is dealing with. Some people cut as a way of relieving tension, feeling in control, expressing feelings of desperation or emptiness, or trying to feel something amidst the numbness of trauma.
Even people who frequently harm themselves recognize that it is not the best way to solve their problems. Most people who cut want to stop, sometimes even do stop for a while, but then go back to it when the emotional pain becomes too much to bear.
Self-harming doesn’t fix your problems. In fact, it just creates more problems. Sometimes people start worrying about other people seeing their scars. Sometimes what was intended to be just a small cut on the surface of the skin can accidentally go deeper, and cause an infection or require stitches.
There are MUCH better ways to deal with emotional pain than by inflicting self-injury. The first step is getting to the root of the problem—why you cut. Start by telling a trusted adult, like a parent or counselor. Yes, it’s scary, but it really does help to have someone older and wiser working with you. Work with that adult on identifying what the main problem is, and brainstorm ideas of better coping methods.
On this external page, “Teens Talk About Cutting” teenagers share their emotions surrounding cutting and some ways they’ve come up with to help themselves stop. If you’re interested in learning more about the topic in general, visit the TeenHealth page on cutting.
suicide
People who choose to end their own lives are usually people who feel depressed to the point of hopelessness, who believe that things are never going to get better. They choose death because it seems easier than struggling through a miserable life.
Suicide is final. If you choose to commit suicide, you’re giving up everything you could ever hope to have. You’re giving up the chance to travel the world, to fall in love, to be whatever you want to be. You’re giving up all your hopes and dreams.
Your life may be completely awful right now. You might feel like you don’t have any reasons to stick around. But keep on living, because things will get better. You will not be stuck here forever.
If you have suicidal thoughts or feelings, it’s very important to tell an adult you trust, such as a parent, relative, teacher, or guidance counselor. They should be able to help you work through your feelings, and hopefully get you set up with a professional therapist or counselor. If you don’t feel like you have any trustworthy adults in your life, you can call 988. This is a national suicide hotline number (United States), with people available 24/7 to talk with if you’re feeling hopeless or desperate. If you don’t want to talk on the phone, you can chat online with someone.
Your life matters. Your life will get better. Choose to stay alive.
Suicide is final. If you choose to commit suicide, you’re giving up everything you could ever hope to have. You’re giving up the chance to travel the world, to fall in love, to be whatever you want to be. You’re giving up all your hopes and dreams.
Your life may be completely awful right now. You might feel like you don’t have any reasons to stick around. But keep on living, because things will get better. You will not be stuck here forever.
If you have suicidal thoughts or feelings, it’s very important to tell an adult you trust, such as a parent, relative, teacher, or guidance counselor. They should be able to help you work through your feelings, and hopefully get you set up with a professional therapist or counselor. If you don’t feel like you have any trustworthy adults in your life, you can call 988. This is a national suicide hotline number (United States), with people available 24/7 to talk with if you’re feeling hopeless or desperate. If you don’t want to talk on the phone, you can chat online with someone.
Your life matters. Your life will get better. Choose to stay alive.
how to help a friend who's making harmful decisions
If you have a friend who’s making harmful decisions, the first step would be to try to understand why. For instance, is your friend drinking alcohol because he wants kids to think he’s cool, or because he’s trying to cope with difficult emotions and a turbulent home life? Knowing the reason why your friend is doing something helps you figure out what your next step should be.
If your friend is smoking, drinking, or doing drugs because it’s what the “cool” kids are doing or because she wants to fit in, consider having a talk with her about that. Remind her that the coolest people—the ones that everyone secretly admires even if they’d never admit it—are the ones who do their own thing and don’t worry about what people think of them. Be a role model. Invite her to do fun things with you and other people who don’t smoke/drink/do drugs. Don’t be judgy, and leave the issue alone if she starts getting defensive about it, but make it clear where you stand. Also, unless you think you’re going to be sucked down the same path if you keep hanging out with her, don’t refuse to be her friend anymore. If all the people who don’t smoke/drink/do drugs don’t want to hang out with her anymore, then the only people left for her to hang out with will be the ones who do—and that’s sure not going to get her to stop!
If your friend is smoking, drinking, doing drugs, cutting, or expressing suicidal feelings due to difficult emotions, a mental health disorder, or something going on with his family or friends, it’s a different story. The most important thing is to be there for him. Let him know that you care about him, and that you’re someone he can talk to. Invite him to do fun things with you, but be understanding about the fact that he might not always feel up to it. Don’t be judgy or condescending about the way he’s choosing to deal with his feelings—chances are, he knows it’s not the best way to cope, and reminding him of the fact will only make him feel worse. Just be someone he can enjoy spending time with, someone he knows cares about him. If he’s open to talking about his issues, maybe gently suggest that he try to find a counselor or therapist who could help him.
And if your friend has expressed suicidal feelings and you’re truly afraid that suicide is something they may actually do, call the suicide hotline number: 988. They will be able to give you advice and direct you to resources that could help your friend.
If your friend is smoking, drinking, or doing drugs because it’s what the “cool” kids are doing or because she wants to fit in, consider having a talk with her about that. Remind her that the coolest people—the ones that everyone secretly admires even if they’d never admit it—are the ones who do their own thing and don’t worry about what people think of them. Be a role model. Invite her to do fun things with you and other people who don’t smoke/drink/do drugs. Don’t be judgy, and leave the issue alone if she starts getting defensive about it, but make it clear where you stand. Also, unless you think you’re going to be sucked down the same path if you keep hanging out with her, don’t refuse to be her friend anymore. If all the people who don’t smoke/drink/do drugs don’t want to hang out with her anymore, then the only people left for her to hang out with will be the ones who do—and that’s sure not going to get her to stop!
If your friend is smoking, drinking, doing drugs, cutting, or expressing suicidal feelings due to difficult emotions, a mental health disorder, or something going on with his family or friends, it’s a different story. The most important thing is to be there for him. Let him know that you care about him, and that you’re someone he can talk to. Invite him to do fun things with you, but be understanding about the fact that he might not always feel up to it. Don’t be judgy or condescending about the way he’s choosing to deal with his feelings—chances are, he knows it’s not the best way to cope, and reminding him of the fact will only make him feel worse. Just be someone he can enjoy spending time with, someone he knows cares about him. If he’s open to talking about his issues, maybe gently suggest that he try to find a counselor or therapist who could help him.
And if your friend has expressed suicidal feelings and you’re truly afraid that suicide is something they may actually do, call the suicide hotline number: 988. They will be able to give you advice and direct you to resources that could help your friend.
A True Story
Someone I know struggled to get along with his parents as a teenager. His friends all vaped, so one day he decided to vape too--mostly because he knew it was something his parents would definitely not want him doing. He didn't intend on it becoming a daily habit, but it did.
Over the next few years, he struggled with depression, anger, suicidal thoughts, and continued nicotine dependence. He used vaping, marijuana, and alcohol as attempts to escape reality and feel better. But they only contributed to his struggles.
Eventually he got to a point where his emotions had mostly stabilized and his relationship with his parents had improved. He was very aware of all the negative health effects of vaping, and attempted to quit several times, but always went back to it when he got stressed or bored or frustrated with his situation.
Five years after he started vaping, he met a girl who he knew he someday wanted to marry. He knew there was a 0% chance this girl would want to be with him if he was using drugs, so he quit all of them cold turkey and destroyed his paraphernalia. He experienced a very painful sore throat as his mouth started feeling the damage he'd been inflicting on it all along. This, along with other withdrawal symptoms, lasted several weeks. There were many times during these weeks when he was tempted to vape again, but he got through by relying on his faith in God and thinking about the girl he liked.
Now he's been drug-free for several months and is no longer experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. He's very happy and is living a fulfilling life. Whenever he experiences stress or frustration now, he turns to God rather than to drugs. He regrets the fact that he spent five years inflicting damage on his body, but rather than dwelling on the past, he is enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.
Over the next few years, he struggled with depression, anger, suicidal thoughts, and continued nicotine dependence. He used vaping, marijuana, and alcohol as attempts to escape reality and feel better. But they only contributed to his struggles.
Eventually he got to a point where his emotions had mostly stabilized and his relationship with his parents had improved. He was very aware of all the negative health effects of vaping, and attempted to quit several times, but always went back to it when he got stressed or bored or frustrated with his situation.
Five years after he started vaping, he met a girl who he knew he someday wanted to marry. He knew there was a 0% chance this girl would want to be with him if he was using drugs, so he quit all of them cold turkey and destroyed his paraphernalia. He experienced a very painful sore throat as his mouth started feeling the damage he'd been inflicting on it all along. This, along with other withdrawal symptoms, lasted several weeks. There were many times during these weeks when he was tempted to vape again, but he got through by relying on his faith in God and thinking about the girl he liked.
Now he's been drug-free for several months and is no longer experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. He's very happy and is living a fulfilling life. Whenever he experiences stress or frustration now, he turns to God rather than to drugs. He regrets the fact that he spent five years inflicting damage on his body, but rather than dwelling on the past, he is enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.
"The challenge is not to be perfect - it is to be whole."
- Jane Fonda
