Many of the difficult emotions talked about on this page can arise as the result of a mental health challenge, such as bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or depression. If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, visit my Mental Health Challenges page.
I’d also just like to put this out there—the 100% BEST way to deal with difficult emotions is by developing a relationship with God. He is the one person in your life who will always be there for you, and will be able to help you manage your emotions if you look to Him for help.
That being said, below are some individual tips for various distressing emotions you may be feeling.
I’d also just like to put this out there—the 100% BEST way to deal with difficult emotions is by developing a relationship with God. He is the one person in your life who will always be there for you, and will be able to help you manage your emotions if you look to Him for help.
That being said, below are some individual tips for various distressing emotions you may be feeling.
tips and advice
anger
Some people get angry more easily than others. Some people have a hard time controlling their temper. You may have a tendency to lash out at people when you get upset, and say things that you don’t really mean. You might feel bad about this afterwards, once you’re in a calmer mood and can look at your behavior more rationally.
Every emotion is okay to have. But some reactions to emotions can have really bad consequences. Letting your anger get out of control can lead to broken relationships, broken possessions, and injuries.
It is possible to become better at controlling your anger. It won’t happen overnight, but if you work at it, you can learn strategies that will help you stay in control.
TeenHealth.org (I love this website!) has a Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger that I think is pretty good. It involves figuring out why you’re angry, considering possible ways to react, weighing the consequences of each possible solution, making a decision, and then taking the time to reflect on how your decision went. These steps can be really difficult to think through when you’re already angry, but they will get easier if you consistently practice.
Another thing that can help you learn to control your anger is recognizing the triggers. What sets you off? Why does it set you off? Is there a different way you could think about the situation that could help you not get so angry about it?
When you feel yourself starting to get ramped up, sometimes it’s a good idea to remove yourself from a situation before you explode on someone or start breaking things. If you’re in an argument with someone, tell them you need a break and then get out of there. Go for a run, punch your pillow, scream (if you’re somewhere it would be acceptable to do so), blare some music, scribble on a piece of paper, write down all the ugliness of what you’re feeling. Sometimes the anger is spurred on by adrenaline, so running really fast until you can’t run anymore can sometimes help drain you of that excess energy.
If you feel like you get angry more frequently than the average person, or if your anger gets so out of control sometimes it scares you, then it’s something to talk to your parents or another trusted adult about. Your reactions may truly be something you have very little control over, in which case it’s important to get help so that you can start controlling them.
Every emotion is okay to have. But some reactions to emotions can have really bad consequences. Letting your anger get out of control can lead to broken relationships, broken possessions, and injuries.
It is possible to become better at controlling your anger. It won’t happen overnight, but if you work at it, you can learn strategies that will help you stay in control.
TeenHealth.org (I love this website!) has a Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger that I think is pretty good. It involves figuring out why you’re angry, considering possible ways to react, weighing the consequences of each possible solution, making a decision, and then taking the time to reflect on how your decision went. These steps can be really difficult to think through when you’re already angry, but they will get easier if you consistently practice.
Another thing that can help you learn to control your anger is recognizing the triggers. What sets you off? Why does it set you off? Is there a different way you could think about the situation that could help you not get so angry about it?
When you feel yourself starting to get ramped up, sometimes it’s a good idea to remove yourself from a situation before you explode on someone or start breaking things. If you’re in an argument with someone, tell them you need a break and then get out of there. Go for a run, punch your pillow, scream (if you’re somewhere it would be acceptable to do so), blare some music, scribble on a piece of paper, write down all the ugliness of what you’re feeling. Sometimes the anger is spurred on by adrenaline, so running really fast until you can’t run anymore can sometimes help drain you of that excess energy.
If you feel like you get angry more frequently than the average person, or if your anger gets so out of control sometimes it scares you, then it’s something to talk to your parents or another trusted adult about. Your reactions may truly be something you have very little control over, in which case it’s important to get help so that you can start controlling them.
anxiety
Everyone worries sometimes, but there’s a point where it gets out of control and starts taking over your life. If you’re constantly anxious about stuff happening at home, worrying about whether people like you, stressing out over how you did on your last test, having heart palpitations over something that could happen… it’s going to take a toll not only on your mental health, but your physical health too.
So how can you control your anxiety to make sure it doesn’t control you? First of all, stay focused on the present, not the future. Anxiety usually comes from worrying about what could happen, not what is happening right now. If it is something that’s happening right now that’s causing your anxiety, remind yourself that it’s a temporary situation and it’s not the end of the world.
Recognize that you have control over some things, but not others. Think about things realistically. If you’re worried about a test, for example—have you studied? Do you know at least some of the material? If so, chances are, you won’t flunk it. You may not do as well as you’d like to do, but it’s not a life-or-death situation.
Distract yourself from your anxiety by looking, listening, and smelling what’s around you, or by moving your body. These simple acts can give your brain a well-needed break. Something that helps me when I’m feeling anxious is running. It gives my whole body a physical feeling to focus on other than my pounding heart or twisting stomach.
So how can you control your anxiety to make sure it doesn’t control you? First of all, stay focused on the present, not the future. Anxiety usually comes from worrying about what could happen, not what is happening right now. If it is something that’s happening right now that’s causing your anxiety, remind yourself that it’s a temporary situation and it’s not the end of the world.
Recognize that you have control over some things, but not others. Think about things realistically. If you’re worried about a test, for example—have you studied? Do you know at least some of the material? If so, chances are, you won’t flunk it. You may not do as well as you’d like to do, but it’s not a life-or-death situation.
Distract yourself from your anxiety by looking, listening, and smelling what’s around you, or by moving your body. These simple acts can give your brain a well-needed break. Something that helps me when I’m feeling anxious is running. It gives my whole body a physical feeling to focus on other than my pounding heart or twisting stomach.
boredom
I’m writing this on March 29, 2020. We’re a couple weeks into the COVID-19 quarantine, and it’s looking like this is going to go on for at least a few more weeks. Maybe months. No one knows.
It’s easy to get bored when you’re just sitting around your house with no extracurricular activities, no friends to get together with, no fun places to go and explore. I know a lot of people are battling boredom right now. But a lot of people battle boredom even when there isn’t a mandatory quarantine.
Boredom can spark creativity. If you’re bored, write a story, song, or poem. Play an instrument. Sing. Build something. Invent something. Film a video. Call someone. Take a walk or a bike ride. Create some artwork. Initiate an online game with someone. Cook something. Do not get stuck in the mindset of “There’s nothing to do.” Instead, take on a mindset of, “There’s something I can create.”
Another great thing to do when you’re bored is find a way to help someone. Maybe you have a neighbor who needs yardwork done. Maybe there’s a place in your community that you could volunteer. Maybe there’s a talent you could use to brighten someone’s day. If you focus your efforts into helping other people’s days get a little brighter, you’ll have a sense of purpose, and that will help you defeat your boredom.
It’s easy to get bored when you’re just sitting around your house with no extracurricular activities, no friends to get together with, no fun places to go and explore. I know a lot of people are battling boredom right now. But a lot of people battle boredom even when there isn’t a mandatory quarantine.
Boredom can spark creativity. If you’re bored, write a story, song, or poem. Play an instrument. Sing. Build something. Invent something. Film a video. Call someone. Take a walk or a bike ride. Create some artwork. Initiate an online game with someone. Cook something. Do not get stuck in the mindset of “There’s nothing to do.” Instead, take on a mindset of, “There’s something I can create.”
Another great thing to do when you’re bored is find a way to help someone. Maybe you have a neighbor who needs yardwork done. Maybe there’s a place in your community that you could volunteer. Maybe there’s a talent you could use to brighten someone’s day. If you focus your efforts into helping other people’s days get a little brighter, you’ll have a sense of purpose, and that will help you defeat your boredom.
depression
Everyone gets sad sometimes, but depression is when feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness go on for weeks, months, or more. If you’re depressed, you might lose all your energy and motivation. You may start to have negative thoughts about yourself, and pull away from the people who care about you. You might get irritated by things that never used to irritate you. You might start to have physical symptoms such as headaches, loss of appetite, sleeping too little or too much, or trouble concentrating.
If you’re experiencing these symptoms, you need to get help. Depression can be treated—if you’re willing to take the steps toward solving it. First, talk to your parents or another adult that you trust. See if you can start having regular meetings with a counselor or therapist. Then, talk to your friends about how you’re feeling. Focus on the positive, not the negative. Take care of yourself—eat proper meals, exercise, and put yourself on a regular sleep schedule. Express yourself through writing, music, art, or building. Get involved with a volunteer organization or find a way to help people in your community.
You won’t feel this way forever. Things will get better. Don’t lose hope.
If you’re experiencing these symptoms, you need to get help. Depression can be treated—if you’re willing to take the steps toward solving it. First, talk to your parents or another adult that you trust. See if you can start having regular meetings with a counselor or therapist. Then, talk to your friends about how you’re feeling. Focus on the positive, not the negative. Take care of yourself—eat proper meals, exercise, and put yourself on a regular sleep schedule. Express yourself through writing, music, art, or building. Get involved with a volunteer organization or find a way to help people in your community.
You won’t feel this way forever. Things will get better. Don’t lose hope.
loneliness
It’s awful to feel lonely. People are meant to be with people—to have people they can talk to and enjoy time with. But not everyone has that. Loneliness is a difficult thing to deal with, and can sometimes draw people to make harmful decisions.
Sometimes people are lonely because they just don’t get the opportunity to be around people much (ahem—as I write this in spring 2020). If this is the case for you, find a way to connect with people remotely. Give someone a call or video chat. Start a conversation on social media. Join an online fan community for a book, movie, or TV show you’re into—although be careful not to give out personal information such as last name, address, birthdate, etc. to people you don’t actually know in real life.
Sometimes people are lonely even when surrounded by people. This can happen if you’re not surrounded by the right people—people who you click with. For years, I wondered why I wasn’t making friends even though I was constantly surrounded by people my age. Then I joined a church group and it was just like—whoom! Instant friends! I had found my kind of people. If you’re lonely even though you’re surrounded by people, try joining a new club or extracurricular activity where you think you’ll find people who are interested in similar things to what you’re interested in. You might be surprised by how much easier it is to get along with people there.
Sometimes people are lonely because they just don’t get the opportunity to be around people much (ahem—as I write this in spring 2020). If this is the case for you, find a way to connect with people remotely. Give someone a call or video chat. Start a conversation on social media. Join an online fan community for a book, movie, or TV show you’re into—although be careful not to give out personal information such as last name, address, birthdate, etc. to people you don’t actually know in real life.
Sometimes people are lonely even when surrounded by people. This can happen if you’re not surrounded by the right people—people who you click with. For years, I wondered why I wasn’t making friends even though I was constantly surrounded by people my age. Then I joined a church group and it was just like—whoom! Instant friends! I had found my kind of people. If you’re lonely even though you’re surrounded by people, try joining a new club or extracurricular activity where you think you’ll find people who are interested in similar things to what you’re interested in. You might be surprised by how much easier it is to get along with people there.
feeling not good enough
Do you look around at everyone else and think, “I’ll never measure up”? Do you constantly have thoughts like, “I wish I was more attractive” or “I want to play for my school team, but I’m too bad at the sport” or “I’m so dumb, why can’t I understand what my teachers are talking about?”
If you do, you’re not alone. But you’re also not right in letting these shortcomings define you as a person. Everyone has things they’re good at and things they’re not so good at. If you want to get better at something, practice it. But don’t stress yourself out trying to meet a certain standard or be perfect. Just do your best, and don’t worry if it’s not as good as someone else’s best.
If you do, you’re not alone. But you’re also not right in letting these shortcomings define you as a person. Everyone has things they’re good at and things they’re not so good at. If you want to get better at something, practice it. But don’t stress yourself out trying to meet a certain standard or be perfect. Just do your best, and don’t worry if it’s not as good as someone else’s best.
how to deal with difficult emotions
First, it’s important to recognize how you feel and why. You don’t have to share it with anybody, but be aware in your own mind. “I’m mad because my mom said she’d ground me if I don’t clean my room, and I think that since it’s my room I should be able to choose how clean it should be.” “I’m disappointed because I thought I was going to hang out with my friend this weekend, but she’s doing something with her family.” “I’m annoyed with my boyfriend because he always texts me in the middle of the night.”
If your difficult emotions are stemming from something other people did—for example, your mom telling you to clean your room or your boyfriend texting you in the middle of the night--try to see things from that other person’s perspective. Your mom is trying to do her job of teaching you to be responsible. Your boyfriend might think he’s being sweet by texting you in the middle of the night. Remember that every person is different, and everyone perceives the world a little differently.
Figure out the best way to deal with each emotion. Often, it’s best to talk things over with someone. Other times, it’s better to write your feelings down, or listen to music. Some feelings may be best dealt with by giving yourself a break, taking a walk through the woods or watching a funny movie. Each situation is unique and will require a unique solution.
A good general rule of life is to focus on the positive, and to always reach for the light. Even if all you feel like doing is moping around crying, try going on a bike ride or drawing a picture. If all you can think about is how bad your life is right now, come up with a list of things you’re thankful for or good things that have happened recently. Even if they’re just little things, like, “I really like the color of my shoes” or “Those potato chips I had at lunch yesterday were delicious,” noticing the positive things even when you’re feeling lousy can help lift your mood a little.
If your difficult emotions are stemming from something other people did—for example, your mom telling you to clean your room or your boyfriend texting you in the middle of the night--try to see things from that other person’s perspective. Your mom is trying to do her job of teaching you to be responsible. Your boyfriend might think he’s being sweet by texting you in the middle of the night. Remember that every person is different, and everyone perceives the world a little differently.
Figure out the best way to deal with each emotion. Often, it’s best to talk things over with someone. Other times, it’s better to write your feelings down, or listen to music. Some feelings may be best dealt with by giving yourself a break, taking a walk through the woods or watching a funny movie. Each situation is unique and will require a unique solution.
A good general rule of life is to focus on the positive, and to always reach for the light. Even if all you feel like doing is moping around crying, try going on a bike ride or drawing a picture. If all you can think about is how bad your life is right now, come up with a list of things you’re thankful for or good things that have happened recently. Even if they’re just little things, like, “I really like the color of my shoes” or “Those potato chips I had at lunch yesterday were delicious,” noticing the positive things even when you’re feeling lousy can help lift your mood a little.
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NF is an amazing rapper who writes raw, real, emotional songs about his own life. This song, "My Stress," is particularly special to me because it helped me understand the viewpoint of someone in my life who was dealing with difficult emotions.
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This song gives a first-person perspective of what it is like to experience anxiety. (If you are sensitive to strobe effects, I would recommend not watching the video.)
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This song was written to encourage people who struggle with body image. Just about everybody finds things about their appearance that they don't like, and for some people, this struggle is worse than others. Listen to this song if you need a reminder that you are more than what you see in the mirror.
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"Broken isn't the same as unfixable."
- Marissa Meyer
