tips and advice
A good boyfriend or girlfriend shares a lot of the same characteristics as a good friend. (See the “friendship” tab if you want more details on how to be a good friend.) A good boyfriend or girlfriend is honest, loyal, and reliable. They really care about you as a person. They’re not concerned with what hairstyle you have or whether your clothes are name-brand. They understand that you’re a different person from them, and that you might have different likes, dislikes, or interests.They are there for you in both good and bad times.
A good boyfriend or girlfriend has the following characteristics:
A good boyfriend or girlfriend has the following characteristics:
is trustworthy
You need to be able to trust your significant other. If your significant other is always lying to you about small things (such as how much money their phone cost, or where they bought their shirt), then how can you expect them to tell the truth about something big (like whether they went out with someone else the other night)?
is faithful
This means that he/she does NOT cheat on you! “Cheating on” refers to when someone who has agreed to go out with only you starts going out with someone else behind your back. He may say “I didn’t mean to” or “I’m sorry” or “I promise I won’t do it again”. She may give some sort of excuse. But if you know that your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you, it is time to BREAK UP. Anyone who cheated on you once will almost always do it again, no matter what they say.
[It’s different if you went on a date once with someone, and the next week you see them out with someone else. That’s not cheating, because you didn’t agree “We are only going to date each other.” But once you agree to only date each other, or start calling yourselves a couple, dating becomes exclusive.]
[It’s different if you went on a date once with someone, and the next week you see them out with someone else. That’s not cheating, because you didn’t agree “We are only going to date each other.” But once you agree to only date each other, or start calling yourselves a couple, dating becomes exclusive.]
doesn't push you into things you're not ready for
A lot of girls get themselves into trouble when a sweet-talking boyfriend croons, “Come on… we can have sex, it’s okay… you love me, right? I love you too. Come on, just do it this once, just for me…” News flash: no matter how much you may love your significant other right now, your middle- or high-school relationship most likely will not last forever!!!!! Be very discerning about “how far to go” in your relationship. You still have time to wait before it’s time to start thinking about long-term commitments and marriage. You have time to take it slow. If you’re not ready for something—and this includes things like hand-holding and kissing as well—your significant other should respect that and not try to talk you into it.
respects you
A good significant other treats you with respect. They are kind to you. They accept your differences and the things that make you unique. That doesn’t mean that they blindly go along with everything you say, or that they approve of absolutely everything you do. It’s okay for your significant other to make suggestions like, “Maybe you should try not to swear as much” or “You know, I think so-and-so was kind of upset when you said that thing about her outfit the other day. Maybe you could try to keep those opinions to yourself?” Those kinds of suggestions are helpful, because they point out things that you maybe haven’t noticed, and would help you become a better person. But if your significant other is constantly bashing you with insults, criticizing everything you do, or coming up with lists and lists of things they wish you did differently, you need to get out of that relationship. And along the same lines—girls, if your boyfriend even once becomes physical with you as a result of being angry (i.e. hitting you, pushing you, shaking you, or anything similar), BREAK UP NOW AND DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS!
doesn't try to control you
A good girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t try to control you. It’s natural that, as a couple, the two of you will want to spend a lot of time together. Possibly alone, without any of your other friends. That’s fine, but your significant other should understand that you have other friends, and that you need some time with them as well. You also have a personal life at home, and an academic career. Maybe even a job. Your significant other should be a part of your life, but not your whole life. Remember, you’re not married yet! Your boyfriend or girlfriend should understand that, and not try to spend every single second with you. He/she shouldn’t be able to say to you, “Okay, so on Tuesday you’re coming over to my house until nine pm, and on Wednesday I’m coming over to yours even though your parents said no, and I know you have that soccer game on Thursday, but you should skip it so we can hang out together, and by the way, I don’t want you hanging out with Casey or Jackie anymore, and you can’t have that meatloaf stuff for lunch because I can’t stand the smell of it!” A good significant other doesn’t put him- or herself first all the time!
Everyone has flaws. You can’t expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to be perfect, or to read your mind, or to always know what you want/need at every moment. There will be many times when you become frustrated with each other, or disagree with one another, or run into other issues in your relationship. That’s all normal. Someone who you disagree with a lot can still be a good boyfriend or girlfriend. But regardless of their other characteristics, a good boyfriend or girlfriend must be HONEST, FAITHFUL, RESPECTFUL, NON-FORCEFUL, and NON-CONTROLLING.
"A great relationship is about two things. First, appreciating the similarities. Second, respecting the differences."
-Unknown
