tips and advice
A good boyfriend or girlfriend shares a lot of the same characteristics as a good friend. (See the “friendship” tab if you want more details on how to be a good friend.) A good boyfriend or girlfriend is honest, loyal, and reliable. They are interested in more than just a physical relationship. They care about who their significant other is as a person--interests, hopes and dreams, beliefs and opinions. They are there for each other in good times and in bad times.
A good boyfriend or girlfriend has the following characteristics:
A good boyfriend or girlfriend has the following characteristics:
trustworthy
You need to be able to trust each other. If your significant other is always lying to you about small things (such as how much money their phone cost, or where they bought their shirt), then how can you expect them to tell the truth about something big (like whether they went out with someone else the other night)?
faithful
If you and your significant other have made the decision that you're now "together" (dating/ going steady/ in a relationship/ boyfriend and girlfriend), then you should you need to be committed to each other. It is a good idea to have a conversation with each other about what this means, because people have different opinions on what this might look like. A big topic to address may be how comfortable you each are with each other spending time with friends of the opposite gender, or communicating with them over text or social media. If you find that your perspectives on this are vastly different, you may need to think about how you can change your behavior to be more respectful toward your significant other's convictions.
Although everyone's opinions on this matter will differ, anything extremely overboard in either direction may be a red flag. For instance, "it's fine if you kiss somebody else" indicates that the person is not committed to you and is quite possibly just looking for physical satisfaction. And "You need to delete everyone of the opposite gender from your contacts and social media followers, and never talk to them at all" indicates a lack of trust and a controlling personality.
Although everyone's opinions on this matter will differ, anything extremely overboard in either direction may be a red flag. For instance, "it's fine if you kiss somebody else" indicates that the person is not committed to you and is quite possibly just looking for physical satisfaction. And "You need to delete everyone of the opposite gender from your contacts and social media followers, and never talk to them at all" indicates a lack of trust and a controlling personality.
doesn't push you into things you're not ready for
Although this could apply to many situations, I mean it mostly in reference to the physical aspect of relationships. Be very discerning about “how far you go" and how quickly you move things along. Slower is better. If one person in the relationship is ready for something and the other is not, the respectful thing to do is to wait until the other person is ready--even if it takes a long time. Pushing someone into something they're not comfortable with is selfish and does not show respect for the other person's feelings.
respects you
Good significant others treat each other with respect. They accept each other's differences and the things that make them unique, and they listen to each other's opinions and give them proper consideration. That doesn’t mean that they blindly go along with everything the other one says. It’s okay to make suggestions like, “Maybe you should try not to swear as much” or “You know, I think so-and-so was kind of upset when you said that thing about her outfit the other day. Maybe you could try to keep those opinions to yourself?” Those kinds of suggestions are helpful feedback. But insults, criticisms, and anything intended to tear the other person down or make them feel bad are signs that maybe it's time to get out of the relationship.
Respect is not just what you say, it's also what you do. Always take your significant other's feelings into consideration, and try not to do things that you know will make them upset. Communicate openly with them. Treat them how you would want to be treated.
Girls, if your boyfriend ever lashes out physically at you in anger (i.e. hitting, pushing, slapping, etc), it's time to break up. Those tendencies almost always are a pattern of behavior that will continue for his whole life, no matter what he tells you.
Respect is not just what you say, it's also what you do. Always take your significant other's feelings into consideration, and try not to do things that you know will make them upset. Communicate openly with them. Treat them how you would want to be treated.
Girls, if your boyfriend ever lashes out physically at you in anger (i.e. hitting, pushing, slapping, etc), it's time to break up. Those tendencies almost always are a pattern of behavior that will continue for his whole life, no matter what he tells you.
not controlling
Boyfriends and girlfriends enjoy spending time together, but they also have other friends, home lives, schoolwork, and possibly jobs or extracurricular activities. Boyfriends and girlfriends should understand that they are part of each other's lives, but not each other's whole lives. They are each their own individual, and they do not get to dictate everything each other does. If there's a particular concern--for instance, your boyfriend has a friend that you don't like because you think he's a bad influence on your boyfriend--it's appropriate to have a conversation about it, but the conversation should be a two-way street, not one person telling the other one what to do.
communicates well
This is possibly the biggest key to making a relationship work. Communicating honestly and clearly with one another can help you avoid so many would-be issues in your relationship. If you're about to make a decision that you don't think your significant other will be on board with, explain why you're making the decision, and give them a chance to share their concerns. If your significant other has habits or behaviors you don't like, gently express what those behaviors are and why they upset you. If your significant other is acting strange, inquire what's going on and ask if there's anything they want to talk about.
And listen. Really listen and care what they have to say. Seek to understand their perspective. If you have an open and honest conversation in which both of you are explaining your perspective and listening intently to the other's perspective, then even issues that started off seeming insurmountable may end up improving your relationship instead of destroying it.
And listen. Really listen and care what they have to say. Seek to understand their perspective. If you have an open and honest conversation in which both of you are explaining your perspective and listening intently to the other's perspective, then even issues that started off seeming insurmountable may end up improving your relationship instead of destroying it.
Everyone has flaws. You can’t expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to be perfect, or to read your mind, or to always know what you want/need at every moment. There will be many times when you become frustrated with each other, or disagree with one another, or run into other issues in your relationship. But if you both employ these characteristics of a good boyfriend/girlfriend, your relationship stands more of a chance of success.
"A great relationship is about two things. First, appreciating the similarities. Second, respecting the differences."
-Unknown
