tips and advice
The person you’re dating might not be right for you. That’s okay—not all relationships work out the way we hope they will. But someone can be “not right for you” without being a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. Is there a such thing as a bad boyfriend or girlfriend? You bet.
A bad boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who does ANY of the following:
A bad boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who does ANY of the following:
Physically hurts you
Hits, punches, kicks, pushes, violently shakes, etc. They might say, “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to. I swear I won’t do it ever again!” DO NOT LISTEN TO A WORD OF IT. No matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want to believe them, you’re better off without them. They will do it again. It’s called abuse.
emotionally hurts you
I’m not talking about the anguished, “I hate you! I never want to see you again!” yelled in a moment of extreme anger and frustration. I’m talking about the more subtle jibes suggesting, “you’re not smart enough” or “you’re not cool enough” or “you need me because nobody else will ever like you.” This is also a form of abuse.
cheats on you
Just like with the physical abuse, if your significant other cheats on you and then swears that they didn’t mean to or won’t let it happen again, BREAK UP ANYWAY. Find someone who you can trust.
lies to you
If you can’t trust them on the small things, how are you going to be able to trust them on the big things?
makes you feel uncomfortable
If your significant other is making you feel uncomfortable, for whatever reason, get out of there fast. Some people call it your conscience, others call it a sixth sense, others believe it’s some spiritual voice speaking to you. Whatever it is, there’s a legitimate reason you feel uncomfortable around that person.
is a bad influence on you
“Let’s cut class. Who cares if you get a bad test grade?” “Yo, I got some weed in the car. You gotta try it. It's not bad; everyone does it.” “I’ll pick you up at ten, but you can’t let your parents know where we’re going. They wouldn’t approve.” “Everyone makes fun of the fat kid. I don’t think he even hears us.” Anyone who tries to get you to forsake your morals, or to do something you know is wrong, is not someone you should be dating.
forces you into things you aren't ready for
“Look, I know you said you didn’t want to kiss a guy until high school. I know we’re only in seventh grade. But it’s just me. You like me, right? So, let’s kiss. Ready…” [guy moves closer and closer to you, while you protest and try to struggle away.]
Anything you do in your relationship should be mutually agreed upon. If you are not ready for something, your significant other should respect that and give you as much time as you need.
Anything you do in your relationship should be mutually agreed upon. If you are not ready for something, your significant other should respect that and give you as much time as you need.
tries to control you
“You can’t do that. You can’t go there. You can’t hang out with that friend. You’re not allowed to talk to him. You have to sit with me at lunch. You have to sign up for the classes I’m taking. Don’t eat pizza. We’d better be going to this dance together; I already put our names down.”
As I say on the homepage, “You are a co-author in the story of your own life.” Not, “You are a passive character in the story of your life that has already been written for you by your significant other.”
As I say on the homepage, “You are a co-author in the story of your own life.” Not, “You are a passive character in the story of your life that has already been written for you by your significant other.”
uses you
Wants to go out with you simply for status, power, sex, material gifts, or so you can help them get something else they want. Doesn’t actually care about you as a person.
doesn't respect you
Is rude to you, disrespects your body, intentionally embarrasses you, takes advantage of you, treats you like trash.
If your significant other shows any of these characteristics, my advice for you would be to break up with that person immediately. And you can tell them why—maybe that will help them make better choices in the future, with their next significant other. As for you, though, you’ll have a much more enjoyable life without a bad boyfriend or girlfriend lurking in the picture.
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This is a song written by Ellie Sinclair, a talented singer/songwriter who was in an abusive relationship for many years. If you find that you can relate to the lyrics--you need to get out of that relationship as quickly as you can! No matter how good the relationship may seem at times, if that person makes you feel like you're not good enough or that you have to be a certain way in order to earn their love, you will never be truly happy with them. You can do so much better.
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"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."
- Zig Ziglar
