Romance:
new life
Last chance to avoid spoilers! Don't click on any of the topics below unless you've read the book!
Jared Fowler
Jared Fowler was Aleah’s first and only serious high-school boyfriend. Their relationship started out the way many relationships do—with an initial physical attraction, which led to some casual dates and innocent kisses, which eventually led to an intimate physical relationship. Everything was beautiful between them until Aleah told Jared she was pregnant. Jared, scared and angry and not ready to be a dad, lashed out and told Aleah that he wanted nothing to do with her or with her baby.
Jared’s rejection nearly destroyed Aleah, who had thought that he actually loved her. And it set her on a reckless path of revenge that could have decimated her had she not found New Life.
Breakups—especially harsh ones like the one between Jared and Aleah—can mess up the emotions of both people involved. There’s no denying that a bad breakup can be hugely traumatic. But if you’re ever in a situation like this, I want you to stop and think before you do anything rash. Judging by the way Jared treated Aleah upon finding out about her pregnancy, he probably wasn’t a good person for her to be in a relationship with in the first place. And he certainly wouldn’t be a good person to take the role of the baby’s dad. Would Aleah have been able to move past her broken life, to build close relationships with God, Christine, Pastor Steve, and her mom, if Jared were still in the picture? Possibly, but probably not. Sometimes, no matter how much a breakup hurts, it’s for the best.
Jared’s rejection nearly destroyed Aleah, who had thought that he actually loved her. And it set her on a reckless path of revenge that could have decimated her had she not found New Life.
Breakups—especially harsh ones like the one between Jared and Aleah—can mess up the emotions of both people involved. There’s no denying that a bad breakup can be hugely traumatic. But if you’re ever in a situation like this, I want you to stop and think before you do anything rash. Judging by the way Jared treated Aleah upon finding out about her pregnancy, he probably wasn’t a good person for her to be in a relationship with in the first place. And he certainly wouldn’t be a good person to take the role of the baby’s dad. Would Aleah have been able to move past her broken life, to build close relationships with God, Christine, Pastor Steve, and her mom, if Jared were still in the picture? Possibly, but probably not. Sometimes, no matter how much a breakup hurts, it’s for the best.
Aleah's Hook-Ups: The Non-Romances
I only included this topic under “romance" because I wanted to include it and it fits better here than under “friendship.” Let me make this perfectly clear: casual hook-ups like the ones Aleah started having after Jared broke up with her are NOT romance!!!
Dictionary definitions of “romantic” include “displaying or expressing love or strong affection” and “characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.” Jared and Aleah’s relationship can be classified as romance because Aleah truly loved Jared. Steve and Georgia’s relationship can be classified as romance because, although they are not in love yet, they are attracted to one another in a way that could potentially become love. But getting together with somebody solely for the purpose of having sex, when there’s no actual relationship involved, is not love or romance or anything even close. In Aleah’s case, it did absolutely nothing to make her happier or to fill the void that had been left by Jared. It didn’t even make her feel any better about what had happened with Jared. It just got her pregnant with a baby she wasn’t ready for, gave her chlamydia, and left her feeling even more messed-up than before.
Some people enjoy having sex with people they barely know (or people they know but don’t love) simply because of the physical pleasure it gives them. In my opinion, this is a sad way to live. There are sooo many other ways to get enjoyment out of life. And if you spend your days having sex with people you don’t love, it takes away from the specialness of your first time with someone you do love. Not to mention that you’re opening yourself up to the possibility of a whole host of sexually-transmitted diseases.
Don’t settle for a feeble imitation of love. Wait for the real thing.
Dictionary definitions of “romantic” include “displaying or expressing love or strong affection” and “characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.” Jared and Aleah’s relationship can be classified as romance because Aleah truly loved Jared. Steve and Georgia’s relationship can be classified as romance because, although they are not in love yet, they are attracted to one another in a way that could potentially become love. But getting together with somebody solely for the purpose of having sex, when there’s no actual relationship involved, is not love or romance or anything even close. In Aleah’s case, it did absolutely nothing to make her happier or to fill the void that had been left by Jared. It didn’t even make her feel any better about what had happened with Jared. It just got her pregnant with a baby she wasn’t ready for, gave her chlamydia, and left her feeling even more messed-up than before.
Some people enjoy having sex with people they barely know (or people they know but don’t love) simply because of the physical pleasure it gives them. In my opinion, this is a sad way to live. There are sooo many other ways to get enjoyment out of life. And if you spend your days having sex with people you don’t love, it takes away from the specialness of your first time with someone you do love. Not to mention that you’re opening yourself up to the possibility of a whole host of sexually-transmitted diseases.
Don’t settle for a feeble imitation of love. Wait for the real thing.
Steve and Lauren
For a long time, Lauren believed that she and Steve were the perfect couple for each other. They were next-door neighbors. They were close in age. They both loved God. They got along well with each other, and Lauren got along great with Steve’s son. They would make a perfect little family. Lauren had had a crush on Steve for years.
Steve, on the other hand, couldn’t bring himself to feel that way about Lauren. At first it was because of his late wife. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone but her. But when he finally decided to give Lauren a chance, when he really wanted to fall for her, he discovered that his feelings for her didn’t extend beyond friendship. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make himself love Lauren.
He didn’t want to hurt Lauren’s feelings. He felt horrible about needing to let her down, and some tiny part in him maybe hoped he would still end up falling for her. So he put off telling her how he felt for three weeks. When he finally did tell her, he felt horrible at how he was making her feel. But at the same time, he felt relieved that he was now free of the burden that came along with Lauren believing they had a chance of becoming a couple.
It’s hard when someone really likes you and you don’t like them back. Sometimes it’s a good idea to give them a chance, the way Steve did when he went on the date with Lauren. Maybe you will turn out to like them, and maybe it will blossom into a beautiful relationship. Of course, in Steve’s case, it didn’t work out that way, but he never would have known if he hadn’t tried.
Steve, on the other hand, couldn’t bring himself to feel that way about Lauren. At first it was because of his late wife. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone but her. But when he finally decided to give Lauren a chance, when he really wanted to fall for her, he discovered that his feelings for her didn’t extend beyond friendship. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make himself love Lauren.
He didn’t want to hurt Lauren’s feelings. He felt horrible about needing to let her down, and some tiny part in him maybe hoped he would still end up falling for her. So he put off telling her how he felt for three weeks. When he finally did tell her, he felt horrible at how he was making her feel. But at the same time, he felt relieved that he was now free of the burden that came along with Lauren believing they had a chance of becoming a couple.
It’s hard when someone really likes you and you don’t like them back. Sometimes it’s a good idea to give them a chance, the way Steve did when he went on the date with Lauren. Maybe you will turn out to like them, and maybe it will blossom into a beautiful relationship. Of course, in Steve’s case, it didn’t work out that way, but he never would have known if he hadn’t tried.
Steve and Georgia
Steve and Georgia never meant to fall for each other. They never wanted to fall for each other. Even once they started having feelings for one another, they always thought the same thing: “We’re so different. It would never work out. And besides, he/she doesn’t like me at all.”
At first, their differences (particularly in their religious beliefs, or lack thereof) seemed insurmountable. Georgia didn’t want to start a relationship with someone who was all about God, and Steve didn’t want to start a relationship with someone who didn’t believe in God. As they got to know each other better, however, their feelings for each other became stronger and more difficult to ignore. By the end of the book, although they weren’t a couple yet, they could both see their relationship heading in that direction. Of course, part of what helped this along was Georgia becoming more open to the idea of believing in God.
Difference in belief is not something to take lightly in what could become a serious relationship. I’m not saying it’s impossible to maintain a serious relationship with someone who has different beliefs than you—for one thing, we all have beliefs that differ slightly from one another’s, and for another, I know a lot of couples who have differing beliefs (religious, political, and other) and get along fine. It’s only when the thing you disagree about is very important to you that there might be a problem. Steve’s entire life revolves around his belief in God, so the idea of dating someone who doesn’t believe in God is preposterous to him. Similarly, if you adamantly support a certain political party, a politician from the opposing party may not be the best romantic match for you. Is it still possible to carry on a relationship with someone who adamantly opposes your firmest beliefs? Of course! If you love each other enough, you’ll find a way to get around all the hurdles. But it won’t be easy. And if you’re at the age and stage in your relationship when you’re starting to think about marriage and children, you might want to have a talk about what you’ll raise your children to grow up believing.
At first, their differences (particularly in their religious beliefs, or lack thereof) seemed insurmountable. Georgia didn’t want to start a relationship with someone who was all about God, and Steve didn’t want to start a relationship with someone who didn’t believe in God. As they got to know each other better, however, their feelings for each other became stronger and more difficult to ignore. By the end of the book, although they weren’t a couple yet, they could both see their relationship heading in that direction. Of course, part of what helped this along was Georgia becoming more open to the idea of believing in God.
Difference in belief is not something to take lightly in what could become a serious relationship. I’m not saying it’s impossible to maintain a serious relationship with someone who has different beliefs than you—for one thing, we all have beliefs that differ slightly from one another’s, and for another, I know a lot of couples who have differing beliefs (religious, political, and other) and get along fine. It’s only when the thing you disagree about is very important to you that there might be a problem. Steve’s entire life revolves around his belief in God, so the idea of dating someone who doesn’t believe in God is preposterous to him. Similarly, if you adamantly support a certain political party, a politician from the opposing party may not be the best romantic match for you. Is it still possible to carry on a relationship with someone who adamantly opposes your firmest beliefs? Of course! If you love each other enough, you’ll find a way to get around all the hurdles. But it won’t be easy. And if you’re at the age and stage in your relationship when you’re starting to think about marriage and children, you might want to have a talk about what you’ll raise your children to grow up believing.
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(The covers above were ideas that were considered for the New Life cover before the final design was decided on.)
Go to the New Life summary page
...For a moment, Steve wondered what it would be like to kiss her. He discarded the thought instantly. This wasn’t the place or the time.
-p. 307
