The Lunch Table
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“They made room for me at the table, but not in their conversation.”
On the first day of school, Alanna spent the whole morning looking forward to lunch. Not because she was hungry, and not because she wanted a break from schoolwork. But because she’d finally get to see Daniel. However, when she got to the lunch table, it wasn’t quite as she’d expected. Daniel spent the whole lunch period talking with Madalaine. And on the subsequent days, although Alanna was always welcome to sit with Daniel, Madalaine, and their other new friends, hardly anyone ever talked to her. It wasn’t that the other kids at the table didn’t like her. They just didn’t know her very well yet. Since Daniel, Madalaine, Hunter, Max, Kiara, Tyler, and the others were all in the same core class group without Alanna, it was hard for Alanna to get to know them as well as they all knew each other. |
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I have been in this situation many, many times before, and it really is hard. Feeling like you’re sort of part of a group, but not completely, feeling like no matter what you do you’ll never be able to truly be one of them.
If you feel like you’re on the edge of a group of people who all know each other really well but don’t know you yet, and if you’re interested in getting to know them better, you can’t just sit back and make yourself invisible. Be assertive—not to a weird and creepy extent, but enough to let them learn who you are. Join the conversation when possible. If you’re uncomfortable talking to a large group at once, or if, like Alanna, you can’t figure out when an appropriate time to speak would be, try striking up a conversation with just one of the group members at first. See if you can find a common interest beyond whatever bond everyone else has in common—something that ties you to at least one of them, rather than making you the outsider. Be yourself and share your stories, but make sure you’re giving the other person a chance to talk as well! Once you know someone a little better, maybe ask them if they want to hang out sometime outside of school. You might end up becoming better friends with them, or you might not, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
If you feel like you’re on the edge of a group of people who all know each other really well but don’t know you yet, and if you’re interested in getting to know them better, you can’t just sit back and make yourself invisible. Be assertive—not to a weird and creepy extent, but enough to let them learn who you are. Join the conversation when possible. If you’re uncomfortable talking to a large group at once, or if, like Alanna, you can’t figure out when an appropriate time to speak would be, try striking up a conversation with just one of the group members at first. See if you can find a common interest beyond whatever bond everyone else has in common—something that ties you to at least one of them, rather than making you the outsider. Be yourself and share your stories, but make sure you’re giving the other person a chance to talk as well! Once you know someone a little better, maybe ask them if they want to hang out sometime outside of school. You might end up becoming better friends with them, or you might not, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
