This ocean
Lyrics:
I’m struggling, I’m drowning in a deep sea And all around are people who wanna help, but they don’t get me They look at my behaviors and they judge me like I’m healthy But I’m not, so stop comparing me to others; that upsets me Yeah, maybe I’m not in a wheelchair I’m not emaciated standing here with no hair Don’t have a Pacemaker, inhaler, or compressed air My illness is in my mind but I still need care I hate when people ask me why They ask me, “Aren’t you strong enough?” Yes, I’m strong, at least I try But one can only take so much It’s an explosion of emotions And I’m wishing I could keep my heart open I keep hoping For something that’ll keep me floating In this ocean You don’t know me You don’t understand my story, I’m lonely And I’m broken, all my hope and faith eroding In this ocean There’s stuff going on in my life that you don’t see In my family, with my friends, but mostly just inside me Wondering if I’ll ever get the spark of hope that I need Wondering if these crashing waves of pain will ever recede Yeah, maybe when I try to help it just hurts Maybe my coping methods just make things worse But I’ve still got a life to live on this earth And to make it through each day I need some succour I hate when people ask me why They ask me, “Aren’t you strong enough?” The proof is here, I’m still alive Clearly I haven’t given up It’s an explosion of emotions And I’m wishing I could keep my heart open I keep hoping For something that’ll keep me floating In this ocean You don’t know me You don’t understand my story, I’m lonely And I’m broken, all my hope and faith eroding In this ocean You want me to be strong and happy all the time I want that too, but that’s just not real life I’m sick of people telling me I have to try I’ve been trying all these years and I’m still not all right And it’s so exhausting dealing with people who only want to hang with happy me You’re asking me to fake the way I feel, no that ain’t happening I’d rather hole up in my room alone than do something that challenging The waves get bigger every time I try to swim, it’s maddening It’s an explosion of emotions And I’m wishing I could keep my heart open I keep hoping For something that’ll keep me floating In this ocean You don’t know me You don’t understand my story, I’m lonely And I’m broken, all my hope and faith eroding In this ocean |
Copyright 2026
Lyrics by Kelsey Gallant (2019) Melody by Kelsey Gallant (2019) Music by Martin Deco (2025) Produced by Kelsey Gallant Mixed by Kelsey Gallant, Cam Gallant, and Martin Deco Video assembled by Kelsey Gallant The Story Behind The Song:
I wrote this song during a period of time in which I was listening to a lot of music by NF. NF is a rapper who struggles with mental health and has had a lot of hardships in his life. I had never really enjoyed rap as a genre, but I enjoyed listening to NF's music because his lyrics told meaningful stories. At this point in time my brother Cody was also experiencing some mental health challenges, and NF's songs were helpful in giving me empathy for what he was going through. I came up with the first half of the chorus one morning at work--maybe thinking about Cody, or maybe inspired by the NF songs. Prior to that, I'd jotted down the lines, "They ask me why. They ask me, 'Aren't you strong enough?' (inspired by one of my students who was battling depression) and "They want me to be strong and happy all the time" (inspired by a relative's heartbreaking Facebook post). Some time later, I decided to combine all three of those pieces into an NF-style rap song. Although there were several people whose real-life stories served as inspirations for this song, I didn't write it about any specific individual; I just sought to portray an accurate picture of someone experiencing depression. One concept that I wanted to be sure to include was the notion that mental illness is just as real and challenging as physical illness. Most people are quick to show kindness toward a person with an obvious physical disability or ailment, but may be less understanding of someone whose illness is not visible. My hope for this song is that it helps people battling depression know they're not alone, and that it helps people who've never experienced depression to have more empathy for those who have. When we decided to include "This Ocean" on my Stories album, I was intending to hire a male freelance rapper to do the rap parts. I had always imagined the rap in NF's voice, so I was looking for someone who would sound like him. Unfortunately, it's really hard to find a freelance rapper who sounds like NF! So after a few failed attempts, I ended up doing it myself, and I'm glad I did because I was able to get all the inflections exactly how I wanted them. Happy side note: In 2019, one of the people whose experiences I drew from in writing this song was my brother Cody. In 2023, God changed his life dramatically, and he's now a happy, healthy husband and father. (See my "Free Life!" page for more details). "This Ocean" is on my debut album, STORIES. Click on the picture to learn more about the inspiration behind the album, and the other songs it contains!
album cover design: Kelsey Gallant and Cam Gallant |
